No Going Back
by MaidenStar
Summary: And he had kissed her. And then he had cried." Short fic from Robin's point of view about the big event in 3X06, so spoilers inside if you haven't watched it yet. Better review inside.


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Hello, I haven't published anything here since _The Truth About Love (_a deleted scene from 1x7) which is a bit shameful. Nonetheless I have a new multi-chapter fic planned for here called _The Girl In The Hood_ to prove that I can write more than just one-shots :P

**Anyway this particular fic is just a short thing I wrote after seeing the most recent episode (or travesty) of Series 3. As is probably obvious I'm still a firm RM shipper and always will be *amen* :P which is why I wrote this little fic-let.  
Please read and review so I can improve little things before I publish _The Girl In The Hood_. I usually write longer fics than this, I just thought this one should be left short and (hopefully) sweet.**

**I don't own Robin Hood. I only wish I did, I'd certainly make a few changes!**

**No Going Back**

So that was it then. He had betrayed his wife. When Robin met Isabella he had thought her attractive. Pretty even. But he never felt that spark that used to shiver down his entire body whenever he used to see Marian. So what was it about Isabella that made him want her?

She was a conundrum; a thing to be solved. Half of him was attracted to her in the way any man would be engrossed in a pretty woman. But the paradox was that the other half of him was frightened and even slightly repulsed by her, just because she was Gisborne's sister. No matter how unjust this seemed when Robin thought of it logically, it just seemed right. Gisborne had interfered with every part of his life. He had taken his home. Then he had tried to marry the woman he loved. Then when Marian finally became _Robin's _wife, Gisborne took her away. Now, just when it felt like Isabella was helping him see the light at the end of the long, interminable tunnel, it turned out Gisborne was related to her. Closely related too. What more did that man want?

Robin didn't even really know what made him want to kiss her. He knew without a shadow of a doubt what had made him _flirt_ with her. He flirted with everyone. Much knew it. The gang knew it. Robin himself knew it. Even Marian had known it. The thing was that only Marian had known that his continual flirting was just a way of seeming confident when he felt anything but outgoing. Marian had known it and accepted it; she had maybe even liked it because she understood it. Marian had understood Robin better than anyone.

But that was not the point. The point was that he _had_ kissed Isabella. He had kissed her. And then he had cried. He had cried and cried and cried. He wept for a broken promise that could never be re-made. He did not want to admit the presence of his tears to himself and he knew he would never tell anyone else. Ever. He had trembled, shaken and shouted broken apologies to the air, knowing that Marian would never ever hear them.

He had been taken by surprise by his tears. He had thought that growing old alone would be worse than pretending to have moved on. But the moment his lips had broken of the kiss he had felt the tattered, flailing pieces of heart shudder and struggle to keep beating yet again. Another pain he was finding it physically harder to bear with every day he aged. The pain was sorrow and grief and above all guilt. He felt guilty for using Isabella – she didn't deserve that no matter what. He felt guiltier that he had kissed another woman. He had broken his promise to stay faithful to his wife. To him it felt the same as if he had kissed someone else whilst his wife was waiting for him to come home after a day at work. He would never have cheated on Marian if she had been alive.

_So why did I do it now she's dead?! _He shouted to himself.

Ever since Robin had been back in England, being his other self – Robin Hood – life had been harder than it had ever been. The thing that had kept him going was that he could feel Marian with him. He knew how stupid that sounded. He knew that if he said it out loud it would sound even more ridiculous than just thinking it. Above all, he knew he wasn't going crazy. She was _there_. He could feel her. Some days he could detect her faint flowery scent. Others he could hear her soft, caring voice.

The worst thing about the whole situation was that he had felt Marian there as he flirted with Isabella and then kissed her. It was to be the last time he felt Marian with him. He had only wanted Marian to turn away for a second; he had not wanted her to go away forever. But then again, all he wanted now was to change time; to stop himself kissing Isabella. Things were never that simple.

But he _had_ kissed her. And he _had _cried. And now there was no going back from the guilt he felt. No matter how many times he apologized to thin air, hoping Marian was listening there was no escaping the fact that the comforting presence he had felt had been replaced by a heavy, empty feeling. He needed to cry again when he admitted to himself that he couldn't feel her with him anymore. Marian was completely gone now, she was nowhere to be found. And there was no going back.

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**I hope it was ok, please read and review, I like concric =]

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